Week 37: Pregnancy woes

This post is most likely going to ruffle some feathers and possibly offend some people so my apologies in advance if any of the following upsets you. But sometimes, just sometimes, things just need to be said and while I try to keep it all politically correct most of the time, I can't hold back any more on this one.

See the photo above? Nice picture, right? I'll let you in on a little secret: It's a lie, one big fat lie. I fucking hate being pregnant! There, I've said it! Now at this point, let me make it very clear that I am deeply grateful for having previously carried a healthy child to term and for being given the opportunity to do it a second time. Yes, I am indeed very lucky and blessed, I do not deny that. Does it make me like pregnancy any more? No, it really does not.

So what is so terrible about being with child? Well the sickness for a start. I'm one of those who suffers with the ridiculously badly named "morning" sickness. It's all day, every day, there's just no let up. I still can't decide which is worse, the relentless nausea or being able to draw up a list of food that are really horrible to sick up (trust me, some are definitely worse than others!). And yes, before you start asking me if I've tried ginger or seabands or standing on my head while chanting "om" (ok I made that one up), I have tried everything. Some remedies offer short lived relief, some make it more manageable for a few days or so but the darn nausea is always there, there is not a day without it.

And worse of all, things that should be really good for me, make it so much worse. Taking my vitamins? guaranteed to induce a bad bout of nausea. Brushing my teeth? almost guaranteed to have me hug the porcelain bowl within seconds. There are days where I feel like I can't win and it just gets to me.

If relentless nausea wasn't enough, I'm tired of being tired. And I'm tired of pregnancy insomnia. What's up with that, seriously?

Oh, and baby brain, don't let me start on baby brain. I don't care that those narrow-minded male scientists have decreed baby brain does not exist (probably the same guys who decided to call it "morning" sickness), as any expectant and new mums can attest, it's very real. I find it crippling. I'm Miss Organised, I'm known to be on top of my game at work and everywhere else, all the time, and that's the way it should be. So when baby brain interferes and I have to re-do the same thing multiple times because I can't focus properly on it, it pisses me off. I have to triple check everything I do to make sure I don't mess up or I haven't forgotten something really important. It's time consuming and well... tiring.

And finally, for my biggest confession to date: I honestly do not like the pregnant form. I don't like my lump, erm, bump. Maybe it taps too deep into my body insecurities or maybe I don't like what's associated with said bump and all the limitations it brings, whatever it is, I don't find it beautiful, womanly, sexy, nope, none of that. I just don't get the attraction.

So, if any of you readers know me personally, don't ask me how I'm feeling unless you're ready to listen to me moaning about how shitty I'm finding pregnancy. If I snap at you for no good reason, it's probably because I'm having a particularly bad day with the nausea and I'm feeling really down. If in a conversation I suddenly glaze over, I haven't lost interest, I'm probably concentrating very hard so as not to retch in front of you. Oh, and please refrain from rubbing the sodding bump, it makes me feel even more self conscious!

I'm sure for some, pregnancy is an enlightening and beautiful time. I'm clearly not one of those, sorry for the moan guys.

Week 36: Scrumptious mango chutney

I took a little holiday from the blog. It started with a proper holiday with no access to internet and then it kind of dragged on for a bit because I've been really busy. If only because I'm cooking another goosling, yep that's right, I'm expecting baby number 2 and it's making me feel tired and rubbish (and happy too, of course). I'll keep my pregnancy woes to a future post while I move on to what actually brought me back onto the blog: a pretty darn amazing mango chutney!

Yesterday, I spotted on my greengrocer's Facebook page (yes, they're funky like that at my local greengrocer) that they had boxes of 12 mangoes going for £2. I just couldn't resist the bargain and headed straight down to bag myself some of that sunny goodness.

But what to do with 12 mangoes? Why, chutney of course! It was my first attempt and I am proud to say, it's turned out so good that I have actually been tempted to eat the whole 2kg of chutney with a spoon. As I am generous like that, here's the recipe for those who would like to try it:

Ingredients:
- 1.3kg mangoes, diced in roughly 2cm cubes (weight when skinned and stoned) - it's best to use mangoes that are slightly under ripe as they'll hold their shape better
- 350g onions, finely chopped (weight when peeled and chopped)
- 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
- 300ml white wine vinegar
- 550g sugar
- 1 orange
- 1 red chilli, chopped
- 1/4 teaspoon each of: allspice, cardamon seeds, ground cinnamon, coriander seeds, ground ginger, mustard seeds, peppercorns
- 4 cloves
- 2 bay leaves

Method:
- Tie the spices, red chilli, cloves and bay leaves in a muslin bag
- Put the onion, garlic, vinegar, mango and muslin bag in a pan
- Simmer gently for about 20 minutes until the fruit and the onions are getting soft
- Grate the zest of the orange finely and squeeze out the juice, add to the pan and cook for 5 more minutes
- Remove the muslin bag
- Add the sugar and stir over low heat until dissolved
- Bring to a steady boil and cook until it is the consistency of a soft rather than stiff jam
- Leave to cool for about 10 minutes before spooning into clean jars

And there you have it, a delicious mango chutney. If you try the recipe, let me know what you thought of it.