Week 44: Halloween

Well it's been a busy week! But it's also been a lovely week, filled with fun family activities, meetings with friends and everything themed halloween. Here's a little overview of everything that's been going on...

Our daughter is at that magical age where she can get involved with stuff and best of all, she wants to be involved. So we started the halloween festivities by turning pumpkin carving into a family activity. She had lots of fun spooning all the seeds out of the pumpkin and who knew, it makes for pretty good sensory play. Meanwhile, hubby tried his hand at carving for the first time. I think they both did and extraordinary job!

Nimue emptying the pumpkin

Hubby's handiwork

Lit up!

Lit up!

With two halloween parties to attend as well as a mummy and baby gathering, I made two big batches of cake pops, one vanilla (ghosts) and one chocolate (pumpkins). The ghosts didn't really turn out as well as I'd hoped, it's not clear whether they looked like ghosts or skulls or mummies but hey, they tasted alright and were well received by the kids, that's what matters right? In any case, there were none left by the end of the second party.

I also whipped up some quick healthy snacks for party number 2 as there were lots of kiddos there with health conscious parents. Thank you Pinterest for the idea!

Banana ghosts and satsuma pumpkins

Nimue, who loves dressing up, got to wear not one but two halloween outfits. I wish I could say I made them but the witch was a second-hand find and the monkey I bought new for just £6, there was no way something handmade could beat that price so... She did look gorgeous in both outfits though :-)

From witch...

... to monkey!

Finally, I just couldn't waste all the pumpkin flesh we'd scooped out when carving but, as neither my daughter nor my husband are particularly keen on pumpkin soup, I had to find something else to make with it. I really wanted to attempt a pumpkin pie but with very little time and no experience of making it or even knowledge of what it's meant to taste like, I gave up on the idea and opted for pumpkin bread instead. I went with the first recipe I found online and it worked out great, it was easy to make and tastes lovely and moist and spicy. I decided to top it with a cream cheese and orange icing and Nimue had lots of fun spreading it on.

Applying the icing. Pardon my very messy kitchen, it's been a busy week!

The finished product

After I'd ascertained the recipe was a winner, I made a couple more loafs and put them in the freezer for future consumption. That pretty much used up all of the leftover pumpkin flesh and any energy I had left after the week's activities!

I hope you enjoyed the halloween festivities too x

Week 40: Gender disappointment

Well here's another post that's sure to loose me the title of "mum-to-be of the year". In fact, a quick trawl on the pregnancy forums out there tells me this topic is highly controversial. But pregnancy and motherhood is riddled with taboos which, in my opinion, just isn't helpful. Mommy guilt is bad enough without having to be scared of talking openly about your feelings and experiences. So I'm going to be very open here, and if it looses me a few friends, well so be it.

We had our 20 week scan this week and it revealed that our baby is sporting some optional extra bits... yes, we're having a boy. So apparently, hubby and I will now have the perfect family with "one of each". This is a whole topic unto itself, a concept I wholeheartedly disagree with, surely the perfect family has nothing to do with how many children you have or what their gender is? But I won't get into this here, this isn't the purpose of my post.

Of course being told that our baby is seemingly full of health was a huge relief and cause for celebration. But when I got home, reality dawned on me and I started crying. I cried incessantly for two whole days. Why? Well, I was/am suffering from what's called "gender disappointment".

I hadn't realised until then how much I'd hoped this baby would be another girl. Not because I don't like boys, I have a tribe of nephews who are all amazing little dudes and I love them very much. No, I have nothing against little boys. Through the tears and the overwhelming sadness, I have asked myself why it was that I should be so disappointed.

This is what I've come up with: Firstly, I'd let people around me convince me that I was going to have another girl, it was just the way it was meant to be. With my first pregnancy, I was very weary of that and I'd protected my feelings but I guess having had a girl already, it made it easier to believe. We'd already started imagining this little girl and had even chosen her name. So to suddenly be told that this baby isn't a girl meant I had to let go of the little girl I'd created in my head. Yes, it may sound silly to you, but I'm having to mourn an imaginary baby.

Secondly, in my twisted hormonal brain, having a little girl meant having another Nimue. My rational self knows that another girl would not have been another Nimue, but emotionally, that is how it felt. I was looking forward to re-use all the pretty outfits that I have loved so much but that she's grown out of so quickly, I didn't get a chance to appreciate them enough. Now I'm having to sell all the clothes I had been hoarding should we have another girl, and the thought is simply heart wrenching. It means saying goodbye to Nimue's babyhood, something I just wasn't quite ready for. So on top of having to mourn an imaginary baby, I'm having to mourn the baby that has been and gone.

There are many reasons out there why parents suffer from gender disappointment, all equally valid (or invalid depending on where you stand) but these are my reasons. I also know this will all go away the second I lay eyes on this little boy and so in a way, I'm happy we found out early so we have some time to process our grief and disappointment before he arrives.

It may seem abhorrent to some that anyone should suffer from disappointment about something as trivial as gender. But having talked with some amazing mummy friends, I now realise that these feelings are far from unusual and they're most definitely not reprehensible. Pregnancy and motherhood is already an emotional minefield and most of these emotions are impossible to explain or justify but it doesn't make them any less real.

So judge me if you must, I actually don't care. I, in the meantime, will happily lend an ear to any mummy-to-be who's having a hard time whether it be because of a crappy pregnancy, because of gender disappointment or any other emotional turmoil that we're not supposed to talk about. Because motherhood would be so much nicer if we supported and appreciated each other through our differences rather than insisting on painting it as this ideal, almost transcendental experience.

Week 37: Pregnancy woes

This post is most likely going to ruffle some feathers and possibly offend some people so my apologies in advance if any of the following upsets you. But sometimes, just sometimes, things just need to be said and while I try to keep it all politically correct most of the time, I can't hold back any more on this one.

See the photo above? Nice picture, right? I'll let you in on a little secret: It's a lie, one big fat lie. I fucking hate being pregnant! There, I've said it! Now at this point, let me make it very clear that I am deeply grateful for having previously carried a healthy child to term and for being given the opportunity to do it a second time. Yes, I am indeed very lucky and blessed, I do not deny that. Does it make me like pregnancy any more? No, it really does not.

So what is so terrible about being with child? Well the sickness for a start. I'm one of those who suffers with the ridiculously badly named "morning" sickness. It's all day, every day, there's just no let up. I still can't decide which is worse, the relentless nausea or being able to draw up a list of food that are really horrible to sick up (trust me, some are definitely worse than others!). And yes, before you start asking me if I've tried ginger or seabands or standing on my head while chanting "om" (ok I made that one up), I have tried everything. Some remedies offer short lived relief, some make it more manageable for a few days or so but the darn nausea is always there, there is not a day without it.

And worse of all, things that should be really good for me, make it so much worse. Taking my vitamins? guaranteed to induce a bad bout of nausea. Brushing my teeth? almost guaranteed to have me hug the porcelain bowl within seconds. There are days where I feel like I can't win and it just gets to me.

If relentless nausea wasn't enough, I'm tired of being tired. And I'm tired of pregnancy insomnia. What's up with that, seriously?

Oh, and baby brain, don't let me start on baby brain. I don't care that those narrow-minded male scientists have decreed baby brain does not exist (probably the same guys who decided to call it "morning" sickness), as any expectant and new mums can attest, it's very real. I find it crippling. I'm Miss Organised, I'm known to be on top of my game at work and everywhere else, all the time, and that's the way it should be. So when baby brain interferes and I have to re-do the same thing multiple times because I can't focus properly on it, it pisses me off. I have to triple check everything I do to make sure I don't mess up or I haven't forgotten something really important. It's time consuming and well... tiring.

And finally, for my biggest confession to date: I honestly do not like the pregnant form. I don't like my lump, erm, bump. Maybe it taps too deep into my body insecurities or maybe I don't like what's associated with said bump and all the limitations it brings, whatever it is, I don't find it beautiful, womanly, sexy, nope, none of that. I just don't get the attraction.

So, if any of you readers know me personally, don't ask me how I'm feeling unless you're ready to listen to me moaning about how shitty I'm finding pregnancy. If I snap at you for no good reason, it's probably because I'm having a particularly bad day with the nausea and I'm feeling really down. If in a conversation I suddenly glaze over, I haven't lost interest, I'm probably concentrating very hard so as not to retch in front of you. Oh, and please refrain from rubbing the sodding bump, it makes me feel even more self conscious!

I'm sure for some, pregnancy is an enlightening and beautiful time. I'm clearly not one of those, sorry for the moan guys.

Week 31: A t-shirt dress tutorial

It's been a great week. If only because I managed to make a second t-shirt dress and take enough pictures to write a tutorial. So here it is:

1. I've used a £2.50 t-shirt from Next. I measured on my daughter where her waist was and added a 1.5cm seam allowance. Before cutting, I put a strip of iron-on interfacing to stabilise the fabric.

 2. I used the whole width of my fabric but measured the length of skirt I needed + 7cm of seam allowance. I then folded 2 cm at the top of the fabric and pressed it then repeated the operation. This folded edge will become the gutter in which to insert an elastic.

 3. I stitched my gutter as close to the bottom edge as possible.

 4. I measured a piece of sewing elastic to be roughly the same size as the cut edge of the t-shirt. To insert the elastic in the gutter, I tape it to the end of knitting needle and push it through.

 5. Once you have inserted the elastic, pin it in place so it is flush with the raw edges of the fabric and as close to the seam you just made as possible.

6. I've used a French seam for this skirt, they're meant to be stronger for children's clothes. So, if you're new to a French seam, what you do is make a small seam (0.5cm) with the wrong sides of the fabric together.

 7. You then turn your fabric inside out and do a larger seam (1cm) with the right sides together. That means there should be no raw edges showing on your seam.

 8. By using this seam, the elastic will have been trapped twice in the seam as well.

 9. At this stage, the skirt part is nearly done. You could just seam the bottom and use it as it is but as we're making a t-shirt dress, there's a few more steps for you to follow.

10. Mark the 4 cardinal points of you skirt with pins, so the two edges and the two middle points.

 11. Do the same with your t-shirt and match them up, right sides together.

 12. Pin the hell out of it so it won't shift when you're stitching it. While pinning, try and push the elastic towards the seam so it doesn't catch when you're stitching the skirt to the t-shirt and create bulky seams.

 13. It's time to attach the two pieces together. I find it easier to have the t-shirt underneath so you have a smooth surface to "glide" on and you can keep an eye on the gathering of the skirt.

 14. Finally, all that's left is to seam the bottom of the skirt. I've used a 1.5 cm seam folded and pressed twice.

 15. Et voilà, you have made a t-shirt dress! Well done you!

 16. I've added a couple of finishing touches to mine. A pretty little ribbon at the front of the skirt and a a chest pocket. Not mandatory, but they're pretty.

My daughter was so excited to see her dress in the morning, she practically begged me to put it on. She then ran to the mirror to admire herself. Look at that proud grin! It made it so worthwhile!

I hope you enjoyed this tutorial. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Week 25: Welcome summer!

What a gorgeous summer week it's been! The summer solstice came with sunshine and warmth and I for one, have been making the most of it!

That means there's not much to show for this week, simply because if I wasn't working, I was outdoors indulging in the sunny weather.

The week started with a novel concept: a netwalk. I'd read about netwalking a little while ago and was really tempted to try it out. When Bristol Freelance Mum Faye Dicker announced she was organising a walk for other freelance mums with tots, I couldn't not go. So Nimue and I went to Ashton Court on Monday morning and met up, walked and talked with another 10 or so freelance mums and their little ones. It was a hard slog at times - pushchairs and off-roading don't make the best combo - but it was fun and interesting. I'll definitely be doing more of this in the near future. 

Nimue exploring the gardens pre-netwalk

I announced last week I was working on some yarn based projects. Well, I have to confess I have made very little progress on those and thus can't tell you much about them yet other than they include a belt and two cardigans for my daughter.

After last week's competitive baking, I'm all baked out so there has been no cake making this week either. I did cook us an amazing pasta salad which pretty much encapsulated summer in one dish. It contained sweetcorn, roasted peppers, chopped spinach, cherry tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes, mozzarella and red pesto. Let's say it was hugely popular with the family.

We welcomed the summer solstice at Chalice Well in Glastonbury. It has to be my favourite place on earth, the perfect ground to re-charge your batteries and it had been way too long since we'd been there. Nimue enjoyed the water of the sacred red spring very much. I can't say I'm surprised as her name is that of the Lady of the Lake in the legends of Avalon so it seems fitting that she was in her element there.

We rounded off the weekend with a trip to Tynstesfield and had a wander around the estate. Have I ever mentioned how much I love living in Bristol? There's always lots of fun stuff happening and there are so many lovely places to visit just a stone's throw away.

With all this sunshine, we've been lathering on the suncream but I noticed mid-week that it was drying our daughter's skin quite a bit. So I decided to make a whipped body butter, something all natural to nourish that precious, beautiful skin. If you'd like to make some yourself, here's what you need:

50 gr shea butter or cocoa butter or mango butter (I went with a mix of cocoa butter and shea butter)
20 gr of coconut oil
30 gr of sweet almond oil or avocado oil or olive oil (I went with sweet almond)
Up to 20 drops of pure essential oil (I went with 8 drops of mandarin, 6 drops of lavender and 2 drops of chamomile)

Place all your ingredients apart from the essential oil(s) in a heatproof dish and melt them au bain marie. When all the ingredients have melted, keep them on a low heat for 20 minutes.

After that time, remove them from the heat and transfer the dish to the fridge straight away. Leave the mixture to cool and harden completely. This can take a few hours.

Once you've reached that stage, take an electric whisk to it. At first it feels quite hard and it looks a mess but within a couple of minutes, the mixture looks like whipped cream. When you start thinking it looks good enough to eat, add the essential oils and whisk some more (and don't eat it!). 

And that's it, your body butter is done. All you have left to do is transfer it to a nice clean jar and you're good to go. If the weather is really hot, you might want to keep some of your body butter in the fridge but that's not an absolute necessity. 

I'm glad to report that Nimue's skin looked instantly better after applying the butter on her. There's just nothing quite like natural beauty products.

I hope you all enjoyed the sunshine too. Until next week! x

Week 21: Friendship

This week has been a bit of a "blah" week. Even though I have been very busy, it feels like I didn't achieve much at all or maybe I just didn't stop long enough to appreciate whatever I did accomplish. The week started well enough but somewhere down the line I ran out of puff.

I think the best example of how it all went down is in the meals I've served up. I normally take great pride in cooking healthy meals for my little family on a daily basis. So, on Monday we had a lovely homemade pasta salad full of fresh, colourful, tasty ingredients. By Saturday I was plating up Ikea hotdogs, with a portion of broccoli on the side just to assuage my guilt. That pretty much says it all.

But, the good thing about blogging more regularly is that it forces me to take long hard look at my life. All the time. And by taking another look at my "blah" week, I realised I'm actually a very lucky girl. I have friends. Many lovely friends. And I'm so grateful for it.

I live in a pretty cool neighbourhood. What I've found here is a real sense of community and I love it. I've bonded with my really lovely neighbours (we're currently planning a street party - watch this space) and we often have fun stuff happening right on our doorsteps. Last Sunday there was a mini springtime festival in the local park where we made the most of the gorgeous weather in the company of our friendly neighbours.

Chilling in style

As we have no family living nearby, I'm reliant on my friends to help me in times of need, especially with hubby away for work so often. And yet another friend came through for me this week when I really wanted to attend my monthly WI meeting but had no one to look after our daughter. I'm always a bit shy about asking for babysitting but this month's meeting was about furniture upcycling and I really wanted to be there.

I made a batch of shortbreads so my friend had something to munch on while babysitting for me. I use Mary Berry's recipe for shortbread, it's simple but efficient. I like that.

These came in handy too when I welcomed another friend into our home on Friday. My friend Lotte is a fellow blogger with a daughter the same age as mine. Part of her house is currently without a roof, you can read all about her woes on her awesome blog. Despite a migraine plaguing me that day, it was great having her around, I just loved the company. And it's always fun to watch our daughters interact nicely together, or thoroughly ignoring one another as the case may be.

So there you go, I have friends and they definitely make my life a lot brighter, even on a "blah" week. And that's why it makes me extra happy to see my daughter building friendships of her own. Currently, she and her childminder's daughters are fast becoming BFFs and I can't hold back an "Aaaaah" every time we arrive there and they toddle off together hand in hand. Cute or what?

On another note, I did manage to make more than just a batch of shortbreads this week. I've blinged up another pair of trainers for my daughter. The lucky girl now has her own personalised high tops. It's taken me a stupid amount of time to figure out how to best transfer the N onto the canvas (freehand calligraphy isn't one of my strong points). Eventually I settled for cutting the outline with a scalpel and then following the cut with a pencil. Worked a treat!

N for Nimue 

I've also made some pink grapefruit marmalade last night. Earlier in the week, I'd bought some pink grapefruits from our local greengrocer and they're the most delicious, sweet, juicy grapefruits I've ever eaten. They inspired me to try my hand at marmalade and it payed off. Just one of these beauties produced 4.5 pots of marmalade. At 40p for the grapefruit, I'd say that's a pretty good return on investment! And it is delicious too. So delicious in fact that I keep trying to find excuses to eat some.

So, with this lovely marmalade to fuel me, let's hope next week will be a whole lot less "blah" and a whole lot more "wow".